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How Batman Undies Can Save the Day

by - 6:59 AM

Well, as my primary goal of this blog was to keep somewhat of a record of the craziness and chaos of our lives, I guess I should probably record what has been one of my most trying, chaotic situations as a mom to date.

Today I had to take Snail (4) and Puppy (20 months) to Walmart after our trip to the pediatrician. Puppy has a double ear infection, so they called his prescription in to them. We had to do some grocery shopping anyway. We begin our shopping and get about halfway through. Snail is coughing up a lung. So, We decide to stop at the McDonalds in the store to get him a Hi-C. He gets his Hi-C and proceeds to tell me that he has to pee. So, being that I have Puppy in the cart, I let him go "pee" by himself in the men's room while I stand outside of the door. Few minutes go by and he's taking a really long time. I call in, "Snail, let's go." 

"Mommy, I pooped and it's rhea.". GULP. What do I do?

He doesn't wipe on his own yet. He proceeds to tell me that it's on the toilet. Ugh. I am trying to quickly shove "OH-MY-GOD-EW-GROSS-PUBLIC- TOILET" germ thoughts out of my head as that is the least of my concerns at this point.  I whisper, quite loudly, to just pull up his pants and come to the girl's room with me. Instead, he comes walking around the corner, pants around ankles, and poop running down his legs. Perfect. (Thank you Mr. Walmart employee somewhere who ended up my child's poop).  Meanwhile, I look back to Puppy and he has gotten Snail's Hi-C and dumped it all over our coats. Don't worry. My coat was on top, and yep, you guessed it, it's white. (stupid decision made  without thinking ) More perfect. I yank a dripping Puppy out of the cart and grab my purse. You know, cause I didn't bring the diaper bag in because I had just changed him at the ped's office. I shouldn't be needing a diaper or wipes. Right? Right. I take them to the gigantic handicapped stall. I sit Puppy on that little chair on the wall, (OH MY GOD EW GROSS) but the buckle is broken, so I just put it around his chest. Meanwhile, I'm staring at Snail, wondering what to do. I literally say out loud..."I don't know what to do." He literally had so much poop on him. I used tp to start attempting to clean him up. (OH MY GOD EW GROSS) but that is doing absolutely nothing (duh).   I had to go get paper towels and wet them. Each time I come back to the stall, Puppy had maneuvered his way out of the strap and it was practically strangling him and he is screaming. So each time I also have to readjust his strap, too. (OH MY GOD EW GROSS) On one of these trips, an employee asked if she could help me (angel) and I asked her if she could stand outside his stall while I ran to buy pants, underwear, and wipes....cause everything was covered in poop. She did, and I yanked puppy out of his "noose" and literally ran, carrying 30 lb baby, breathing in through nose and out through mouth (because I might as well be exercising, right?) sweating bullets, pushed in front of three people at the express lane explaining that I had a child covered in poop in the bathroom - yes, I told them, and ran back to the bathroom. Meanwhile, another employee had come to my cart and was cleaning off our coats as best she could and hanging them on the cart to dry. Another angel. I get to Snail, he is standing there frowning "Mommy, I missed you!"
 
 "But buddy, I got you Batman undies." 

Excitement and joy spread across his face. So I strap Puppy to the torture device (OH MY GOD EW GROSS), proceeded to clean Snail up (developed an entirely new appreciation for wipes), throw old undies away, put jeans in bag I bought new pants, undies, and wipes in, put new Batman undies on, new sweats on, remove Puppy from torture device, wash each of our hands ten times just to be safe (because OH MY GOD EW GROSS), and calmly walk out like "what poop?". It was fabulous. I mean, all-in-all, I had lost about 5 lbs in sweat, both kids are already sick, so any germs, well, we actually probably left some germs there (OH MY GOD...the germs we left there), and I had one happy little camper in new Batman undies.  Needless to say, our shopping trip was cut short, but I still had to grab the antibiotic at the pharmacy.  But of course, after I've stood in line with a kid that I'm sure smelled like poop and a baby covered in orange Hi-C, and me, the Mumma dripping with sweat and smelling wonderfully, they have no record of anything for Puppy Valentine.  Best part.  Yep.  That was the part that made me mad.  

 Learned something from this.  My patience was tested and I proved to myself today that I can do it....I can stay calm when it can't get more difficult.  If I could stay calm in that storm, I can stay calm in any storm.  The orange rhino was in full effect today.  Thank you OR.  Thank you.

~Bye for now...


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